Or if we do think about them, we focus on certain parts at the expense of others, precluding a complete picture of the events.

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Memories and understanding of the events are stored in the brain in that child-like state. They tend to place too much blame on themselves and internalize negative messages received from others.

We carry this blame as adults and still believe and replay those negative messages. ” “I wish you were never born.” We may tell ourselves these things for years after those who made the original tapes are long gone.

Memories of these events are painful, so we tend to avoid thinking about them too deeply.

When we have been abused or neglected as children it can leave us feeling wounded, deprived, and wronged by those we love and trusted.

The hurt can be especially deep if those who caused pain were our own parents.

If these hurts are not resolved, they continue to affect us and our subsequent relationships.As a result of such experiences, we might try to: 1.find new relationships with people who give us the things we didn’t get from our damaged parents 2.attach ourselves to people who remind us those who hurt us and fix them as a way of vicariously repairing our damaged parents 3.change our parents so they will finally give us what we needed when we were young The problem is that although these efforts may feel terribly right in the moment, they will be unsuccessful in bringing about real healing and fulfillment.Worse yet, the pain often won't go away on its own or over time.