This is very uncommon, as BPD is largely marred in mystery in our society.The public gets very little solid information about what this disorder really looks like.

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She is in the arms of yet another boyfriend, attaching herself to him in such a way that she loses herself completely.

(She writes later in the book: “If Taylor were gone, it would be like pulling the plug in a basin that holds all the shapeless, turbulent liquid of my life.

I would drain away.”) This is a pattern: With every boyfriend, her identity, her musical tastes, how she dresses, what she believes tend to change. After each relationship ends, she starts searching for another savior.

, by writer, artist and advocate Kiera Van Gelder, exposes a regularly hushed-up topic: borderline personality disorder (BPD). There’s little information about the disorder and, while effective treatments exist — namely dialectical behavior therapy — it can be tough to find a mental health professional who’s educated and experienced in administering them.

If you’re someone with BPD or a loved one of someone with BPD, you probably already know this.

The devastation this disorder causes is immense but the misunderstanding and lack of treatment may be just as heavy.With In this memoir, Van Gelder documents her diagnosis, treatment and recovery from BPD.Van Gelder desperately wants to find out what is wrong because as she writes, “…despite being clean and sober for almost a decade, I’m still a mess.” For almost two decades, she’s been in therapy.She has tried various types of treatments, medications and 12-step programs, but yet nothing seems to be working.When she’s finally diagnosed at a local hospital, Van Gelder witnesses firsthand the stigma, shame, myths, insurance woes and unavailability of treatment. She writes: Ultimately rage, not hope, hurls me into recovery when I finally understand that it’s not simply my illness, but incompetence and avoidance from the mental health system that has created my ‘incurable and hopeless’ condition. One of the main reasons is that Van Gelder demystifies BPD, clearly defining the symptoms both from a scientific level and a personal one.Yet even as she’s struggling with out-of-control symptoms and suicidal urges and grappling with such a stigmatized diagnosis, Van Gelder continues fighting. She writes about deeply intimate slices from her life so readers receive an inside look into what it’s like to have BPD.